|
MST
by twosungirlls
Boromir's a Big Meanie,
Part 2
|
"Prince Legolas?" called one of his companions as he hurried into sight.
The kiss lasted only a breath or two before we pulled apart.
Aragorn: (as Legolas) Finally!
Boromir: (as Nevfana) Surely you don’t mean that, dear? Didn’t you just want that kiss to last forEVER and EVER??
Aragorn (as Legolas): Do it again, and I’m pressing charges.
"Excuse me, Sire,"
Legolas looked at him, his arms still around me. I could see that the Elf; a young male with mahogany brown hair and dark green eyes, looked uncomfortable with the sight he saw.
Boromir: (as the Elf) *looks uncomfortable* Gee, Aragorn, you’re looking even more femme than usual today.
I thought to myself that he probably thought it discourteous to interrupt his Prince, especially in these circumstances.
Aragorn: NO, he just thinks it’s FUNNY.
Legolas on the other hand seemed not to notice this as he spoke to the Elf with his usual confidence.
Boromir: You know, despite being in love with him, they always make Legolas an inconsiderate prick.
Aragorn: *gloomily* They think it’s manly.
Boromir: Manly, eh?
Aragorn: I think that’s what they think.
Boromir: So being noble and faithful and kind isn’t manly?
Aragorn: Nope. You have to be an inconsiderate prick.
Boromir: This "manly" explanation still doesn’t explain why they make LEGOLAS a jerk.
Aragorn: *whack*
Boromir: *rubs arm* Dude.
"Yes, Gadufei?"
"We…er, we should leave now, so as to reach the ford by nightfall."
Boromir: (as Gadufei) We should leave so you can stop being hypnotized by the rude imposter!
Aragorn: (as Legolas) Oh, thank God you saved me!
"Very well, I’ll be up in a minute; tell the rest to be ready."
Boromir: *snort* He said up.
Aragorn: You’re 12. You do know that, right?
"Yes Sire." The Elf bowed then hurried away.
"You do know that he is never going to be able to look at you, don’t you?" I asked
Aragorn: Yes, he’s lost all respect for you, Legolas, for fooling around with the trouser-happy Mary Sue.
Boromir: It could be worse.
Aragorn: How?
Boromir: Elrond caught them with his hand up her shirt.
Aragorn: SHUT UP! I’m busy repressing that.
"What would you have had me do? Release you quickly and let him think that his Prince was embarrassed to be with you?" He was smiling.
Aragorn: YES! BECAUSE HE IS! AND HE SHOULD BE!
Boromir: Personally, I would have dropped her on the ground.
Aragorn: And I would have laughed.
I though carefully about my words before I replyed, "Not at all, I would have been insulted if you had, it was just a comment."
Aragorn: And she’s touchy too.
Boromir: And talks crap.
Aragorn: Dude, she sucks.
Boromir: I’m not even going to say anything.
Aragorn: Good, because I’m not feeling indulgent.
"Indeed," he raised an eyebrow, "Now, where were we?"
Boromir: You were at the part where we were just about to push this wench under the horse’s hooves.
Aragorn: You were definitely NOT at the part where you start kissing again.
Boromir: Definitely not.
I laughed at him
"What?"
"Nothing."
Boromir: More clever dialogue!
Aragorn: What a bottomless well of witty banter!
He kissed me and my senses reeled. It was so soft and I wanted him so much.
Aragorn: Soft? I don’t think so.
Boromir: Okay. I get it. Enough talk about Leggy Lulu, okay?
Aragorn: Sorry, it’s just that he’s not soft, he’s ha-
Boromir: GAHHHH! STOPPIT!
When he pulled away I was in a daze and just to tease me even more he spun me around and then ran off towards the stables.
Aragorn: (as Nevfana) Oh, Legolas, that tease, pretending to run and hide from me!
Boromir: (as Legolas) *running like a bat out of hell*
I couldn’t help but laugh.
Aragorn: (as Nevfana) Ha! Haha! Look at him run! He’s so playful!
Boromir: (as Legolas) Must. Keep. Running.
I walked up to the Gates and watched as he and his assembly left, longing again for his touch.
Boromir: You know, I don’t think she’s in love, she’s just horny.
Aragorn: Please don’t say that again. I can only take so much, you know.
I sighed deeply and turned away only to find myself face to face with Boromir.
Boromir: HEY, BITCH!
I gasped in shock;
Aragorn: (as Nevfana) ARRRRRGH! It’s evil smelly Boromir!
Boromir: (as himself) ARRRRRGH! It’s rude stupid Nevfana!
I hadn’t even heard him come up behind me!
Boromir: That’s because I am sneeeeakyyyy. *tiptoes around*
Aragorn: Heh. Look at the Son of Gondor, nancing about.
"I’m sorry, Lady, I didn’t mean to startle you!" he said smoothly
Boromir: Actually, I did. I was hoping against hope that you would have a heart attack and die on the spot.
Aragorn: (as Boromir) Sadly, you’re still alive. Fortunately, I may have the chance to startle you yet again.
Boromir: You read ahead, didn’t you?
Aragorn: Well, it’s not like this thing is so well-written that I was worried about spoiling it for myself.
I didn’t know what to say, he was the last person on this Earth that I wanted to speak to, especially as Legolas had just left!
Boromir: So if Legolas HADN’T just left, I WOULDN’T be the last person on Earth you’d want to speak to? I might be, like, above Sauron on the list?
"Will you walk with me?" he asked after a moment
Boromir: Oh, no.
Aragorn: This is bad.
Boromir: No, no.
Aragorn: I think she’s making you fall in love with her.
Boromir: Not possible.
Aragorn: Yes, it is. You’re going to be all impressed by her fighting prowess and verve and you’re going to fall in love.
Boromir: *looks scared* In that case, yes, Nevfana, come for a walk… along a nice handy cliff, so that I may push you off it.
Aragorn: I’ll tell everyone you were with me.
Boromir: I appreciate it.
Aragorn: I won’t tell them what we were doing, either.
Boromir: Um, thanks. I think.
I stared at him wondering if this was some kind of joke,
Boromir: I FUCKING HOPE SO!
"Where will we go?" I asked politely, as my mind searched for a way to be rid of him.
Boromir: I was thinking the fires of Mount Doom. So I can drop you in.
Aragorn: Excellent.
"I have not yet had the pleasure of roaming these lands, and as they are unfamiliar to me, I was wondering if you would like to accompany me?"
Boromir: NOOOOO!
Aragorn: *shakes head* I’m amazed by the fact that the Nazgul have been on the loose, Sauron’s running seriously amok, and yet Legolas has time to go home and you have time for a good roam.
Boromir: SHE’S MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH HER! AND I’M SPEAKING LIKE SOME IDIOT OUT OF A HARLEQUIN ROMANCE! MAKE IT STOP!
I smiled, "Had this been an other day I would have taken up your offer, for the lands around Rivendell are magnificent and the air is fresher here than anywhere else, but I am afraid that I am rather busy today,"
Boromir: You’re busy! Good! Great! No raincheck needed!
Aragorn: Wow, she had the best excuse EVER.
Boromir: That beats the dog ate my homework.
Aragorn: I’m amazed by the speed and acuity of this girl’s brain.
Boromir: I’m amazed that she hasn’t been killed and eaten before now.
"Some other time perhaps?"
Aragorn: Dude, you’re a total sap in this story.
Boromir: *grumbles* Shut up, or I’ll find some really bad slash stories about you and Legolas.
Aragorn: *shudders*
"Perhaps, " I turned and walked away trying hard not to break into a run. When he had disappeared out of view only then did I breath.
Boromir: Breath? Not breathe?
Aragorn: Well, if she’s not going to breathe, she’ll die!
Both: Yayyyyy!
‘The cheek of the man!’ I thought to myself, ‘how dare he even talk to me after insulting me because I was a girl!’ I breathed deeply and decided to go for a walk.
Boromir: Yes, how dare I? I’m such a bastard! The CHEEK I must have to want to have a conversation! You hate me! So much that you want to write me out of the story completely! I’m happy to go! See?! *puts on happy face* Wheeeeee!
Aragorn: No, she wants to keep you around to prove that everyone falls in love with her, even mean nasty Boromir.
Boromir: I liked it much better back when I was insulting her and threatening her at swordpoint.
Aragorn: You never did that.
Boromir: *hums and looks at the ceiling*
Aragorn: In denial much?
Boromir: Stop ruining it for me!
I settled myself under the branches of a giant Sequoia. With the sun on my face and the wind in my hair I started singing to the trees,
Aragorn: (as the trees) SHUT THE FUCK UP!
I felt myself relax and become part of the nature surrounding me, I breathed in the sweet smelling air, my eyes closed, I felt all my worries leave me; the journey I would set off on, Legolas’ departure…
Boromir: Great. She’s at one with nature. Now if only there was a bear.
Aragorn: You’re going to show up any moment now, you know.
Boromir: What? Why?
Aragorn: Because you’re falling in luuuuuvv.
Boromir: Shut up.
Aragorn: Boromir and Nevfana, sitting in a tree…
Boromir: First comes rope, then comes hanging, then comes Nevfana rotting in the sun for six weeks.
Aragorn: That’s not how it goes.
Boromir: It is now.
I felt suddenly cold as a shadow stepped over me blocking the warmth of the sun, my eyes flew open and I jumped up; it was Boromir.
Boromir: Oh, great. I’m back. Woo. Hoo.
Aragorn: *raises the roof halfheartedly*
‘Of all the people!’ I thought.
Boromir: Wow. I’ve beaten Sauron AGAIN as least desirable chance encounter.
Aragorn: Go you.
"I didn’t mean to startle you," he said amiably
Boromir: Actually, I… Hey, we did this already!
Aragorn: Told you.
"Not at all," I replyed, ‘hadn’t he done this before?’
Aragorn: At least she noticed.
"I thought you were busy?"
"I was and I am! What do you want?"
Aragorn: (as Boromir) I want your body, you sexy elven motherfucker!
Boromir: *stares* You just told me WAY too much about your private life.
He stared at me for a moment then said, "I heard you singing,"
Boromir: … and I’m giving you my therapy bills.
Aragorn: (as Boromir) I have ears like a dog, hearing sounds that no human should hear.
"How did you know it was me?"
Boromir: Well, I didn’t at first. I thought it was the sound of a hyena dying a slow and painful death.
"I didn’t, I listened and just followed my ears,"
Boromir: (as Boromir) Which way should I go, ears? Take me awaaaaay from that noise!
Aragorn: How do you follow your ears anyway?
Boromir: Stupid ears.
‘Pity he didn’t listen to his ears when Elrond said I was also in the Fellowship, whether he liked it or not!’
Boromir: Even according to this crappy me-hating story, I said, and I quote, ‘I withdraw my complaint.’
Aragorn: Ah, but she’s not listening to her ears.
Boromir: How do you listen to your ears?
Aragorn: Beats me.
I smiled, although it was forced,
"Would you care for that walk?" he asked,
I paused, I could think of no way to get out of it.
Boromir: Just say no. Really. I won’t be upset.
Aragorn: And the great brain that enabled her to come up with such a brilliant excuse as ‘I’m busy’ fails to save her this time!
Boromir: Oh, the tragedy!
I sighed, "Very well,"
He held out his arm for me, unwillingly I took it
Aragorn: She took your arm unwillingly, eh?
Boromir: Yes, I forced her to take it. I held a sword to her neck and yelled, "Take my arm OR ELSE!"
Aragorn: You know, you could totally kill her and bury the body in the forest.
Boromir: *scribbles on notepad* Okay, adding it to the list, right after "push her under horse’s hooves" and "hang her from tree."
Aragorn: You’re so organized.
and we started off into the forest.
We walked until about midday.
Aragorn: What the hell?
Boromir: What time did we get up?
Aragorn: We’ve had enough time to have a council, to decide to put off any action for two months…
Boromir: For me to argue with Elrond…
Aragorn: For the Nurf to be rude to you, say a long kissy goodbye to Legolas, then wander off and be at one with nature…
Boromir: And it’s only NOON?
Aragorn: Geez.
He wasn’t that bad although I still didn’t like him. He seemed genuinely interested in whatever he asked about; the types of trees and flowers, the history of Rivendell, and one topic I did not want to discuss with him me.
Boromir: Great! I don’t want to talk about it either!
Aragorn: But you’re in wuuuuvvv with her!
Boromir: *mumbles*
Aragorn: Dude, did I just hear you say "Bite me, Queen?"
Boromir: Um, no. I said, "right knee, green."
Aragorn: Right knee, green.
Boromir: *nods*
Aragorn: You’re playing Twister.
Boromir: Um, yep.
Aragorn: By yourself.
Boromir: Sure.
Aragorn: Lying turncoat.
Boromir: Bite me, Queen.
"What about the Crystal Waterfall," he said
"What about it?" I asked
"May we go there?"
I definitely did NOT want to go there with him!
Aragorn: Right, because obviously the stupid waterfall is the reason you let Legolas STICK HIS HAND UP YOUR SHIRT. Slut.
Boromir: She’s worried I’ll push her in.
Aragorn: DO IT!
Boromir: *adds to list*
Searching my mind for an excuse, I looked up at the sun’s position in the sky.
Boromir: (as Nevfana) Oh, look, the sun is in the sky, therefore I cannot look at waterfalls today.
Aragorn: Heh. That’s actually a better excuse than "I’m busy."
"We will not have time," I said, "by the time we retrace our footsteps back to Elrond’s House, we will have but a few minutes before it will be time for dinner."
I smiled inwardly, ‘Ha!’.
Aragorn: *rolls eyes* Oh, yes, you’re so clever.
Boromir: And about as subtle as a wheelbarrow full of rocks falling off Caradhras.
Aragorn: Yup. The quickness of this girl’s mind just blows me away.
Boromir: I’m blown.
Aragorn: Like the Horn of Gondor?
Boromir: Um, no. Nothing like that at all.
He smiled at me again, "Shall we return then?"
I nodded in agreement and we turned, he offered me his arm again and I took it.
Aragorn: Dude, you are so falling in love with her.
Boromir: Shut up.
We reached the courtyard outside the House of Elrond. I had just walked but a few paces when, either deliberate or not, I’m going with deliberate, Boromir’s foot appeared out in front of me,
Boromir: YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT WAS DELIBERATE!
Aragorn: Go you! Now kick her while she’s down!
Boromir: I can’t believe it. For once she’s actually writing me in character!
I tripped and fell to the ground making a surprised sound as I did.
Aragorn: KICK HER! KICKKICKKICK!
Swallowing the words I had said to Haearan the other night about ‘tripping’ I sat up stunned for a moment.
Boromir was kneeling down at my side, his hands around my waist. I pushed him off, rubbing my bumped jaw tenderly.
Boromir: Yay! She’s hurt!
Aragorn: And stunned into silence!
Both: *doing the cabbage patch*
I got lightly to my feet.
"Are you alright?" he asked
Both: Say no! Say no!
"Fine." Was all I muttered, I dusted myself off then said, "I will see you at dinner," I turned to go,
He took my hand and bowing kissed it. I withdrew my hand quickly and started walking as fast as possible.
Boromir: *spits* Yicky Mary Sue germs.
Aragorn: I would use bleach on that if I were you.
~*~ ::Grins:: well can you guess what one of the many ‘problems’ may be? (Don’t answer that!) Plz R/R and Don’t Sue! ~*~
Boromir: Well, you were right, this was kinda fun.
Aragorn: Told you.
Boromir: I want to do another one! I’m ready! Bring it on!
Aragorn: I hate to break it to you, but you’re not in these stories that often.
Boromir: What? Noooo!
Aragorn: Sorry about that.
Boromir: Oh, right, all the teenies write about you and Legolas. I bet they wouldn’t if they knew you were a bigger flamer than the Balrog.
Aragorn: Well, and Legolas too.
Boromir: Huh?
Aragorn: You know… a flamer. Gay.
Boromir: Oh. Uh. Right.
Aragorn: *narrows eyes at Boromir* Is there something you aren’t telling me?
Boromir: *cough* Um, gotta run. The shower calls. *quickly turns to leave*
Aragorn: *hollering after him* DUDE! YOU HAVEN’T SHOWERED IN THREE WEEKS! COME BACK AND TELL ME WHAT YOU MEANT!
Boromir: *runs for the door*
Aragorn: Hmph.
|