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MST
by twosungirlls
Jamie Shadow Tries
Something
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Based on "Frodo's
Proposal"
Sam: So let me get this straight.
Frodo: Okay.
Sam: Some random stranger wrote a story about you proposing to her.
Frodo: Yeah.
Sam: Some girl you’ve never met.
Frodo: Right.
Sam: That’s messed up.
Frodo: Tell me about it.
Sam: She better not try anything.
Frodo’s Proposal
By Risty Maskell
Sam: Slut!
Frodo: * stares at Sam * She hasn’t said anything but her name.
Sam: I’m sorry, Mr. Frodo, I just…
Frodo: And enough with the Mister stuff, okay?
Disclaimer: Don’t own him, just play with him now and then.
Sam: PLAY WITH HIM? * looks suspicious * She’s talking about your action figure, right? RIGHT?
Frodo: God, I hope so.
Summary: Ok, this was a request to right Frodo’s proposal
Frodo: A request to right it? Was it wrong before?
Sam: This IS wrong. So very, very wrong.
Frodo: Sam. Put the meat cleaver AWAY.
Sam: * pouts * Fine.
Merry: Hey guys.
Frodo: Hey! We’re just making fun of this idiot who seems to think I’ve proposed to her.
Merry: Nice. I want in.
Sam: * glances at Frodo and furtively hands meat cleaver to Merry *
Merry: Ooooh, what’s this for?
Sam: Shhh! * whispers * Just hold onto it, okay?
to Jamie, from loony. So here you are.
Sam: JAMIE, IS IT?? BRING IT, BITCH!
Frodo: * sigh *
A/N: Takes place during the weeks working up to the Mock Rock
Frodo: The Mock Rock? Is that like the Stone of Scone?
Sam: * looks at Merry *
Merry: * looks at Sam *
Both: * look at Frodo *
Frodo: It's a STONE. In SCOTLAND. Where they crown kings.
Merry: Erm, okay.
Sam: Must read up on Scottish rocks, clearly.
******************************************
I wandered down the hall towards the dorm. We had just finished practice for the Mock Rock and I had to put my CD player back.
Then I was off to get some lunch.
Frodo: I’m still confused about this rock. What is it, papier mache?
"Jamie?" Asked a voice, behind me. I turned, and, seeing Frodo, I smiled and hugged him.
Sam: GET YOUR HANDS OFF MISTER FRODO, YOU SCHEMING HUSSY!
Frodo: Sam!
Sam: Sorry. GET YOUR HANDS OFF FRODO, YOU SCHEMING HUSSY!
"Yeah Frodo? What’s wrong?"
Sam: * mutters * Scheming hussy.
Merry: * points to cleaver and whispers to Sam * Can I use this?
Sam: * whispers back * I told you, just hold it for now.
"Nothing’s wrong, I just wanted to ask you something, in private."
Frodo: I do not speak with that many commas.
Merry: OOOOooooo, in PRIVATE!
Sam: Shut up.
I nodded and beckoned him to follow me. On the way to my ‘secret spot’ I put my CD player back on my desk.
Sam: "Secret spot?"
Merry: Ewww.
Frodo: I don’t think she meant it that way.
Sam: Tell that to your action figure!
Then we made our way back into the garden. I knew we were alone, because no one ever came here, with the exception of me and Emma. But Emma was in bed.
Frodo: You know, these daft wenches wrote another story where Emma marries BOROMIR.
Sam: Poor Boromir. Killed by Orcs--
Merry: Stupid Orcs.
Sam:--and now this.
Merry: I’m just glad it wasn’t me.
Frodo: You know, I don’t see that many stories about you.
Merry: I keep a low profile. I’m "The Sexiest Hobbit You Never Thought to Write a Stupid Story About."
Sam: * grumbles * Sexiest hobbit, my arse.
So it was just me and Frodo.
Sam: Ha. If I’d known about this, I would’ve been right there.
Frodo: I know you would, Sam.
Sam: Right there.
We walked around for a while.
Merry: (as Jamie) We walked around, and walked around some more, and I walked into a wall, and now my head hurts.
Finally I asked.
Frodo: Can someone please teach this asshat how to write?
Sam: I will.
Frodo: Okay, but remember—you’re not allowed to use the hot pokers anymore.
Sam: * curses *
"What did you want to ask me, Frodo?"
Frodo: "What’s a ‘secret spot?’"
Sam: Haha. Good one, Mr. Frodo.
"This is really rather hard for me.
Merry: Poor bashful Frodo, being all shy about professing his wuvvv…
Sam: Shut. UP.
Um…but Uncle Bilbo approves and all that. Jamie…" He trailed off. I smiled
"Come on, you can say it."
Frodo: Okay, fine. I’ll say it. I’m leaving, and I’m taking the action figures with me.
Sam: Take THAT, slut.
"Okay, Jamie Shadow…Damn I can’t get the words out."
Frodo: The words are stuck. Please, words, remain stuck.
I laughed and kissed him on the cheek.
"Does that help?"
Frodo: Not really…
Merry: Kiss lower, bitch.
Frodo: HA!
Sam: Not funny.
Merry: Spoilsport.
He brightened. And then he knelt down. I was getting shocked..
Frodo: "Getting" shocked?
Sam: Damn straight! * brandishes cattle prod *
Frodo: Well at least you got rid of the meat cleaver.
Sam: * innocently * Mmmhmmm.
"Jamie Shadow….Would….would you….would you give me the honor of being my wife?"
Merry: * howls * It’s DO, you silly bint, DO! Not give! Will you DO me the honour of beCOMING my wife?
Frodo: * groans * Make it stop!
Sam: It was your idea to read this, you know.
Frodo: Hey, I thought you were on MY side!
Sam: Whatever. You took my hot pokers away.
He said this all in a rush and in a flourish had opened a box, producing the most lovely ring I had ever seen.
Merry: Look! When you put it on, it makes you invisible!
Sam: And the object of Sauron’s wrath!
Frodo: Better her than me.
I gasped. Not sure what to say.
"I don’t know what to say, Frodo."
Sam: Say no! SAY NO!
Frodo: I’m being played like a puppet.
"Say yes!" He said like a ten year old boy. All excited and stuff.
Frodo: Excited and stuff? Excited and despairing? Excited and suicidal? Excited and on drugs?
Merry: Heh. "Excited." Is that a Morgul Blade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I grinned.
"I do, Frodo Baggins. I most certainly do."
Frodo: * groans *
Sam: NOOOOOOO!
Merry: * brandishes meat cleaver *
Frodo: Hey, where’d you get that!
Merry: * looks at Sam * Ummm…
Sam: He found it.
Merry: Yeah.
Frodo: * looks suspicious* Where?
Merry: One of the tunnels in the Misty Mountains?
Frodo: Please. That story worked for Bilbo—it’s not going to work for you too.
Merry: Damn. * hisses at Sam * Thanks a lot!
Sam: * looks innocent * Why, whatever do you mean?
With that, Frodo picked me up and twirled me round and round.
Merry: (as Jamie) Put me down, I’m gonna hurl!
We both laughed. Then he kissed me senseless, leaving me dizzy.
Frodo: * sulking * You’re already senseless.
Sam: Mr. Frodo, do you think this could legitimately be called ‘trying something’?
Frodo: * pause * Actually… yes.
Sam: * grins as wickedly as it is possible for Sam to grin * Great.
He ‘proposed’ again. Properly this time.
"Jamie Shadow, of Midgewood.
Frodo: Why does she have to harp on this? * bangs head on wall * Why, why, why?
Would you do me the honor of being my wife?"
"Yes. I Do." I said, kissing him again.
Sam: EW.
Frodo: I would never marry someone this illiterate.
Sam: I’m not much of a reader, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: Would you answer ‘I do’ to a question beginning with ‘would’?
Sam: * pauses to think * Um. I do?
Frodo: Hahaha. Good joke.
Merry: * looks surprised * That was pretty funny, Sam.
Sam: Well I’m not ALL get-away-from-Mr.-Frodo-or-I’ll-cleave-you, y’know.
Merry: Coulda fooled me.
We made our way back to the dorm, very happy that night.
Frodo: So happy togeetthheeerrrr…
Merry: *dancing around * Lalalalalala!
Sam: * sulks *
At dinner, everyone asked me where I had gotten the ring. I just glanced at Frodo and smiled, leaving them to guess the rest.
Sam: I have to say, Mr. Frodo, for a scheming hussy, she’s making you do all the work.
Frodo: I noticed that too.
Arwen was the first.
"Oh. My. God! Are you guys gonna get hitched?"
Frodo: Hitch me up to Bill the pony. Hitch me up to Shelob! Anything but spending another minute with this idiot.
Sam: * looks hurt * Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Not you, Sam. The scheming lazy hussy.
Frodo and I nodded at the same time, laughing at Reesa, Indigo and Blue’s expression. Sam, Rosie, Merry and Pippin all cheered.
Sam: I DID NOT! I WOULD NEVER! WHY WOULD I CHEER? I WOULD NEVER EVER CHEER! And Merry and Pippin? Where are they? I’m going to kill them too!
Merry: Hey! For one thing, I’m standing right here. And for another thing, I most definitely did NOT cheer.
Frodo: See? Not so funny when it’s YOU, is it?
I couldn’t believe in less than twelve months, I was going to be Mrs. Jamie Baggins.
Frodo: Twelve months? * ponders * I think that’s more than enough time for me to run away.
Sam: I’m going to kill her.
Frodo: To Mordor, perhaps.
Sam: Right. That’s it. * grabs meat cleaver from Merry and stomps over to Jamie Shadow, muttering ‘Mrs Jamie Baggins’. Kills her. Stomps over to where Reesa, Blue and Indigo are cowering in the corner, still muttering ‘Mrs. Jamie Baggins’. Kills them. *
Frodo: * watches * Damn, he’s efficient. I hope he remembers not to kill you and Pippin.
Sam: * narrowly avoids killing Merry and Pippin *
Merry: * relieved * You know, I think Sam has a thing for you.
Frodo: * surprised * Surely not.
Merry: Well, I dunno, Frodo… he’s pretty protective of you…
Frodo: In a purely heterosexual way!
Merry: Oh-kayyyy…
A/N: There you are all you kiddies who wanted a story of Frodo’s proposal. Luv you all!
Frodo: Really. I’m sure he only cares about me in a very masculine sense. Like a brother, almost.
Merry: Mmmhmm.
Frodo: * grumpily * Well at least I’m not shagging Pippin.
Merry: Now that’s just unnecessary.
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