Time: 1:59 PM
From : Snaired@cs.com
To : veryverygay@hotmail.com
Subject : your a fag
hes not gay for the last time you are gay

Four messages sent -- three in direct succession, one nearly 12 hours later. I can just picture it. The images on this site burned into her mind, she tosses and turns all night, unable to escape the trauma that is Gay Elijah.
There hasn't been much hate mail sent to the veryverygay email box lately, so you can imagine my joy at seeing four similarly titled missives of anger in a row. Well, Miss Snaired, you have served your purpose. I am duly entertained. Good job! A -

Time: 10:00 PM
From : "Mandy Meow" < a_100_billion_watts@hotmail.com >
To : veryverygay@hotmail.com
Subject : homophobic

Hello,  
All I really want to say is that I found your website to be very offensive. For one thing Elijah Wood is a very talented young actor, and I see nothing wrong at all with being a homosexual.  I myself cannot see how you can stop yourself from loving someone.  I find love to be very beautiful between anyone no matter what there sex. You obviously have never truly been in love, or had a very close friend of the same sex.  I don't think you should be talking about how being gay is wrong or discusting...Because you are surely not a homosexual so you don't know what it feels like to be looked down on, or mocked, or made fun of.  So I conclude, if you have enough spare time to make a web site about how you think elijah wood is a homosexual, you really have to much time on your hands.

While I'm not at all clear on where on the site homosexuality is described as "discusting" [sic], Mandy Meow may in fact be right. I mean, she saw right through me. I've never been in love! NEVER HAD A CLOSE FRIEND OF THE SAME SEX!
Miss Meow, you clearly have a future in the field of clairvoyance. Perhaps one day I'll see you on the Psychic Network at 3 AM, but until then? How's about a nice hot cup of shut the hell up?
Excuse me, but I have to stop typing now, as my hands are full of all this extra time. B -

Time: 12:40 AM
From : sockhurleysure@hotmail.com
To : veryverygay@hotmail.com
Subject : well done!!!!!!!!
you suprised me by making me laugh, because im a very big elijah wood fan. but well done. this web site needed thought and talent and it includes both.
note: ive noticed that the people who put your site down have called you a homophobe but then call you a dike. hmmmmm........

It warms my heart to think that this little ol' site might actually be managing to convert the teenies, as this letter suggests. Again, thoughtful (if not grammatically correct) criticism, from the mouth of a babe. Good work. A+

Time: 8:40 PM
From : K8TYMG@aol.com
To : veryverygay@hotmail.com
Subject : Elijah Wood  

   what up man?U r not very smart! Elijah is a sexy beast and very HOT!!!!!!!!!!

That just because he gets a little frisky with his co-stars doesn't mean nothing. He could be fooling around(in an unoppropiate way), but in other words Orlando Bloom is a Gay. WRITE ABOUT ORLAND INSTEAD K?

from,
Elijah
lovers(ohh ya)!

Hee. This was an entertaining little note, not without merit -- Orlando is quite gay as well, but, I would argue, not quite as gay as Elijah. So if there will be an "Orland Bloom is Very Very Gay" site popping up on the web near you at some point, it won't be courtesy of me. I also appreciate this reader's succint assessment of my intelligence. I almost feel as though this letter should be set to music -- what with the "lovers, ohh ya!" at the end. Maybe a nice techno beat, vocals by Celine Dion and/or Kylie Minogue? Could be nice. C+

Time: 9:40 AM
From: Elina

Elijah Wood is sooooo wondreful!!! His eyes,his smile,his hair...aaah.. But he not a gay!!!! Gay...is very stupid joke... All Elijah's fans!!! Send e-mail for me!! I am from Finland,Europe. I LOVE LIJ 4EVER!!!!!!

I couldn't resist adding this little gem, a recent entry in the guestbook. I suppose we can cut Elina some slack, since English is likely not her first language. While I generally prefer not to mock people of such an ilk, I will in this case anyway. I urge you all, dear readers, to bask in the teenie glow of the excessive punctuation, inappropriate use of the indefinite article, and the unabashed adolescent enthusiasm. A -

Well, well, well! I gave out a smack of good grades this time around. I suppose that comes from getting too much supportive mail, which has been the trend of late. So please, dear readers, send more hate mail! Props are no where near as funny as malice and bile, believe me. Yeah, yeah, I'm a genius. Whatever. What happened to the scathing missives of late August? I miss those days. Let's all work to bring them back.

<<back to Very Very Gay Letters

<<home